Category Archives: Funny Stuff

UnNews:Osama bin Laden loses world hide-and-seek championship title

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States president announced in what has been the most globally watched TV event of the century, beating the Royal Wedding by an amazing 9 Billion viewers, that the longest reigning champion of Hide and Seek, Osama Bin Laden today lost his title after a small group of America‘s best players collaborated together. The announcement was welcomed by many who feared that the Pakistanis would initiate attacks against the global community for giving up in the game, Crowds of thousands have gathered outside various important locations in the United States, every one of them eager to become the next champion.

Osama was awarded the prestige title after successfully locating and destroying the former champion’s location in 2001. The president stated that they were very careful to obey all of the guidelines set out by the official association of hide and seeks, GHASA, when infiltrating Osama’s hideout. The defeated champion was reported to have died on-scene upon being discovered by immense shock. The trophy and championship belt were pried away from a deceased Osama’s hands. It has been called a great tragedy, one that will remain on our tv sets for many weeks to come.

GHASA (Global Hide and Seek Association) have criticized the former champion for his give-away appearances. The Pakistani association of Hide and Seek issued a statement in response saying that “”Osama’s recognisable beard only made things more difficult for the man. It should be a welcomed factor in that his beard only made things more difficult. He lasted a whole 9 years!”. His beard was not a factor that led to his location being found.

Rather, it was the suspicious activity of putting garbage out to be collected, as opposed to burning it, which is the normal method of doing so in Afghanistan. It was also reported that the location had phone and internet connection, which is normally not present in Afghanistan households. When commenting about the nature of the mission, the Hide and Seek squad said that it was “just like a time bomb, waiting to go off.” The mission was executed perfectly without a single US player being found.

The Pakistani government remains in secrecy about the next competitor for the country, however the international club ‘Al Qaeda‘ have confirmed that they are in negations with the government as to opening new facilities to train eager competitors on the global scale. However with the discovery of Osama, fans of the sport remain speculative if the nation will be as competitive as it has been in the past, Blaming that Osama’s son, who was expected to follow in his father’s hidden footsteps was also killed. Other nations remain confident in the various clubs.

It is expected that the conflict between the tri-nation forces and the Al-Qaeda organisation will become less severe, now that the issue of cheating during GHASA matches has been resolved.

 

Sources

Notable Programming Quotes

Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.

Linux is only free if your time has no value.

It works on my machine.

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late.

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

With regard to adding more programmers to get a project done faster…Nine people can’t make a baby in a month.

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Because getting to sleep was a fuss
As he lay there in bed
Looping ’round in his head
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Weeks of coding can save you hours of planning.

You can stand on the shoulders of giants OR a big enough pile of dwarfs, works either way.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

An idiot with a computer is a faster, better idiot

We better hurry up and start coding, there are going to be a lot of bugs to fix.

A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.

Mostly, when you see programmers, they aren’t doing anything. One of the attractive things about programmers is that you cannot tell whether or not they are working simply by looking at them. Very often they’re sitting there seemingly drinking coffee and gossiping, or just staring into space. What the programmer is trying to do is get a handle on all the individual and unrelated ideas that are scampering around in his head.

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Never trust a programmer with a screw driver.